Saturday, November 10, 2007

Motherhood

In the last few days I have given much thought to the act of motherhood and how things in our lives make us look at motherhood. Just today I went to a sealing for an old friend, the last sealing I was at was also hers. Her ex-husband had joined the church and loved it, I knew him also. Then one day after three years and 2 kids he said to her, "I don't want this, I don't want to be a dad, a father, a husband, a member of this church I don't want this!" Now here she is a single mom with 2 young kids alone. Today she was sealed to a man who is also a convert, but who loves her kids as his own and is adopting them as soon as possible. As I sat and listened to the Sealer I had to wonder about her thoughts. I also had to wonder about her mothers thoughts, as they sat there both crying in joy. I know it had to be hard for Julie, my friend, to date again, she had not only her happiness to worry about but her childern's as well. Today I also talked to another friend who's baby was born very pre-mature. I am sure that she has heard I know how you're feeling, but to all of those so sympethetic women, you don't. As I told her "I know how you feel", I contiuned, "You feel like your body let you child down, like your body wasn't good enough good enough for your child. Then you feel like it's your fault that your baby in in such trouble and not doing so well. You feel respondsable for problem." As she began to cry, she said" That's exactaly what I told my husband, and he told me not to feel this way." I began to remember back to when the twins were born, people would ask"How do you feel, are you ok?" and I would say" I'm fine", but inside I was sceaming "Look at what I have done to my kids! They are in the hospital for who knows how long and both having problems! How do you think I feel!" But of course that is not how you are suppost to act, so you don't. It's hard to know what a mother is thinking in times of joy and in times a sorrow. It's hard to know really what to say in these times also. With the twins even my mom telling me it wasn't my fault did not work, but she held me as I cried, for that is what moms do. Next time I tell some one I know how you feel I will continue with how I felt in the situation, I realized today that is the best way to show someone that you really know how they feel.

5 comments:

Whitney, Elliot, & Stella said...

Wow. Super touching and revealing Geniel. I guess even super-mom's have their down times as well. You do it so gracefully and I always wondered how you seemed to have bounced back so immediately. It's sort of funny how women have all of these internal frustrations and issues that they don't think others will understand. Then you find that ONE who has actually been through it or just a really good friend who just loves you and wants to help you through it whether they understand or not. Women need each other! Well, I think you're great Geniel and now that you're a blogger may I just ask the question AGAIN, "How do you do it all?"

***LIZ*** said...

Geniel, so glad you have joined us in the blog revolution. We all have our stories to tell, and I am happy that you are sharing yours. Can't wait to see some pics of all your beautiful kiddos!

Rebecca said...

Hey, Geniel! Glad to see you! How's your family?

fosburgh family said...

I am so happy you are a blogger too. I enjoyed reading your blog. It really made me think that we are all so similar as women we think we need to let everyone belive everything is wonderful. We do all have our trials and they are all so different but with friends and family we are able to help one another and just be there for each other.

The Earls said...

I'm glad you opened up to us all. Sometimes it is really frustrating being a mom. We sometimes feel the need to put on a happy face when we're crying inside. Thanks for sharing. It's nice to know there's others out there who sometimes feel the same.

Ross' favorite sign.

Ross' favorite sign.